My personal slogan for 2007 was "Because we're awesome."

My slogan for 2008 was "Because anything is possible."

For 2009, it was "For as long as I live."

And for 2010... ?

I got nothing.

I've got nothing.

That's really it.

My baby cat Dusky left me on the 20 August 2010. It was a Friday, only 2 Fridays ago. He had spent the last week in day hospitalisation. I spent every night with him. Anaemia did him in. He was struggling to breath to the end. Right up to the end, he was fighting for his life. He wanted to eat. He managed to raise his head and get one prawn into his mouth. He did not have strength enough to chew. I had to pry it out of his mouth, minutes before I would give permission to put him to sleep.

And before that, I sat with him for more than an hour, him on my lap, the perfect lap cat that I always wanted but that he never was, because he would always struggle to get off only after 30 seconds. His head never left my arm.

His eyes were dilated. His tail no longer twitched when I called his name. Actually it did twitch a bit, but even that was more than his oxygen reserves would allow.

And so I said, yes, let's let him go. It sucks to see him like this.

I again told him the same thing I've told him for 1 year, 8 months straight - about 600 days without a break - that I'm going off 'k, and that I'd see him later. See you later! And that if I didn't, I would come and find him. I would come find him no matter where he was.

Then the vet came in, who had kept him alive for 3 more months after I'd given up hope. The vet had given me 3 more months with the only creature alive who could not do without me.

And so he went on the surgery table, with the light out from his eyes. The vet gave him two injections. The first went in, and while I stroked his head and told him I loved him, the second one went in slowly. Just as slowly, he breathed a while more and then slowly stopped breathing. His eyes never changed.

The vet said he had gone even before the first needle was finished.

10 days later, Maybelline, too, left this world, and I'd joked that my hamsters would outlive my cat. They won't, apparently. That's fair at least?

So fuck you. I have had enough of slogans.

This is not a world that needs any more slogans. Do or be done, and if not there's nothing else.

I'm done with everything that has led nowhere for the last 10 years.

I miss my cat terribly.