Hannah: I wanna see my mother!
Dr. House: Hi again. Not sure I can say this without sounding condescending, but then you'd get the false impression that I respect you, so... you're a kid. You're scared, you're stalling. Grow up.
Hannah: I'm not scared. I'm never scared.
Dr. House: See? How juvenile was that? You can't feel pain - nothing left but pleasure. Why don't you tell me how wonderful that is!
Hannah: It sucks.
Dr. House: Better than being in pain all the time. Get in the chair!
[Hannah stays on the floor, House gets a syringe]
Hannah: Every morning I have to check my eyes to make sure I didn't scratch a cornea in my sleep.
Dr. House: Oh god, stop! I'm in a pool of tears here.
Hannah: I can't cry.
Dr. House: Neither can I. Every morning I check my eyes for jaundice to see if the Vicodin finally shot my liver.
Hannah: I can't run anywhere without examining all my toes for swelling.
Dr. House: I can't run.
Hannah: Boys can't hold me for too long because I can overheat.
Dr. House: Girls can't hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour.
Hannah: I need an alarm on my watch to remind me to go to the bathroom. Do you know how many humiliating experiences before I thought of that?
Dr. House: Bathroom's 50 feet from my office. For every drink of water I weigh the pros and cons.
Hannah: After everything I do, I self-check: Mouth, tongue, gums for cuts, count teeth, check temperature, toes and joints for swelling, skin for bruises...
Dr. House: I got shot.
[Hannah pauses, Cameron and Chase exchange looks]
Hannah: I sat on a stove when I was three. Wanna see the coil marks?
Dr. House: Yeah.
Hannah: Do you think I'm lying?
Dr. House: Do you think I just wanna check out your tucus, as your people would say?
[Hannah gets up and lifts her gown, House gives her an injection, she becomes unconscious]
Dr. House: Put her in the chair and run the damn test. If she moves again, give her nitrous.
[House turns to leave, but Cameron intercepts him]
Dr. Cameron: You weren't shot because of leg pain, you were shot because you're a jerk!
Dr. House: Some think the two are connected.

House is simulating the conditions back at the hospital to help him make a diagnosis]
Dr. House: [pointing at boy] Can you say... [Australian accent] 'Crikey, mate'?
Kid: [Confused but playing along] Crikey, mate.
Dr. House: Perfect. No matter what I say, you agree with me, okay?
Kid: Okay...
Dr. House: Nicely done... You, disagree with everything I say.
Indian man: Sorry, not understanding.
Dr. House: That's close enough. And you, get morally outraged with everything I say.
Woman: [disgusted] That's permanent marker, you know.
Dr. House: Wow, you guys are good.


Dr. Foreman: [writing on board] Heart failure could be either infection, coronary disease, or rejection.
Dr. House: [taking marker away from Foreman] Sorry, there's a reason they call it the white board. It's not my rule. What ties both these conditions together?
[Everyone stares blankly at each other]
Dr. Foreman: Okay, we can all stare at each other, or we can investigate what caused the heart failure— just the heart failure. You wanna give me that black marker?
[House reluctantly gives back the marker]

Dr. Foreman: Why are you riding me?
Dr. House: It's what I do...has it gotten worse lately?
Dr. Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me.
Dr. House: Really. Well, that rules out the race thing. 'Cause you were just as black last week.


I love this show.