Falling in love ...

It's so hard. Everything works against you. Baggage. Ex's. Cynicality (such a word exists? Mr Editor?) Lack of faith. Depression. Wrong fit. Wrong hairstyle. Wish you had better job. Wish you had more money. Wish you were here.

You try anyway.

I don't know how to be cynical, yet there are people who say I'm.


On Thursday, I had a major crash. My ex (that's what I'll call her here) revealed she is married. And she is unhappy. She needed someone to talk to. I went out to meet her, even though its closing week.

Then I came back to the office at 11pm and worked till 7am.

On Friday night, it finally hit me how surreal the evening was, and everything crashed. Nothing has been the same since she told me she was married and unhappy.

I wish she was happy so that I can still be angry at her. Now she is sad and I find no joy in it. She made her choice and I should rejoice that she made a bad one (I'm a scorpio remember) but instead it makes me empty. But yet...

I feel so released...


In other news, I wish I didn't have to get unhappy about the two stories my friend owed me. I saw her online on my other MSN (always have 3 so that you can be invisible) and what I read broke my heart (so I still have one).

Really... take this from me... don't work with friends.

Friendship is more important....... i added tons of fucking ellipses because that statement is only half felt right this moment. I still have to write those two stories.


So anyway... falling in love is hard, but it's a good thing overall.


Stupid horoscope.